Life Delivers You Messages
I never saw this before. And no, this is not some woo-woo shit. Take it from me, the ambitious executive who knows how to lock in and tune out the noise. What I did not realize was that being too focused can drown out the things that matter most.
Even now, as I write this, I am pausing mid-run to clear my head and catch these thoughts before they evaporate like water on hot pavement. Just like water, it can hydrate, refresh, and give you energy. But if you do not take it in, it disappears back into the universe. Drink it up!
A Mid-Life Birth Certificate
After leaving the Hoffman Process, my friend Mary sent a message to our group chat that stopped me cold. She wrote:
“I pulled out my Hoffman binder this morning and River (my son) saw my certificate in the clear sleeve in the back. He asked if it was my birth certificate. I had to hold back my tears. It’s my mid-life birth certificate. We are getting a second chance to really live this beautiful life in the most authentic way possible.”
Her words hit me deeply. But I was not surprised. She just naturally says some really next-level shit! (more on that later).
Not because of the certificate itself, but because of what it symbolizes: rebirth. A chance to let go of the layers we have built—the executive, the provider, the achiever—and step into the truest version of ourselves.
Cracking the Armor
At our week-long process, my armor cracked. And what came out was not weakness. It was me. Not the version chasing validation, not the one tuned into the wrong frequencies, but the version that can finally show up for the relationships that matter most. And it starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
When we chase validation through hard work, we are running after an impossible dream. From childhood, we are wired to seek positive attention. For some of us, even negative attention becomes a kind of twisted love language.
One thing I realized about myself was that I actually hated receiving compliments or drawing too much attention. It was so hard for me to take in the validation I was seeking but not willing to receive. I was a kung fu master at giving compliements and truly meaning it, by seeing the beauty in others, but when it came to receiving… I had some unpacking to do. And I did. Why couldn’t I feel good about myself and truly believe in my skills the way I did with countless others? In realizing that, I unlocked a different world. I leveled up.
Another realization I had a week later, which I had not anticipated as a knock on effect was that my fear of dying, my rumination, my chronic anxiety would just disappear. This was a new baseline for me, and I am just realizing how much it set me back. I feel lighter, more creative and just less reactive and fearful. And what you also realize is just how many people live on the edge of a knife all their life.
Reintegration Is Real
When you leave Hoffman, they tell you to take two days before re-entering the real world. At first, I thought that meant a guilt-free spa weekend. Instead, it felt like waking up from a ten-year haze. I walked the streets and was flooded with negativity in people’s conversations around me: celebrity gossip, political rants, bonding in the negative. It struck me that reintegration is real.
My friend Julian once told me that reading The Power of Now transformed him but also made him feel isolated. I finally understood what he meant.
Choosing Which Relationships Shape You
The biggest lesson I carried home is this:
Life is about choosing which relationships get to shape you. Positivity does not mean shutting off your critical, intelligent side. That part keeps us sharp. But it does mean refusing to surround yourself with negative people who drag you down. It is about the relationships right in front of you, and you have the choice to decide which ones get to shape your story.
After a week of telling friends and family what I had been through, many asked the same question:
“What happens in six months when this high runs out?”
Too often we gather around the expectation of relapse, waiting for someone to stumble. Anticipating a good fail! But real community should be about lifting each other up, believing in one another, and choosing to nurture the good when we see it. What if, instead, we noticed the good and helped others stay steady, instead of pointing out that they might fall? Would that not feel even better?
Time Is Short
In just one week, 37 strangers saw my most vulnerable side. Yet some of my closest friends still barely know me. That has to change. Because time is short. My kids are now 10 and 13, and I have at most seven years left to really shape, bond, and show them that life is magical. I want to create connections that make the people around me feel as special as I see them.
A Simple Commitment
So here is my commitment, and a commitment I hope every reader will consider embracing:
Make the lives of the people around you a little bit better, every day. Be present as a father, a husband, and a friend. Give kindness, smiles, and support. Because what you put into life is exactly what you get back.
One simple thing I have started to do, even with strangers, is to ask them how they are. But here is the key: when they answer, I always follow up. I ask, “What would make your day better?” Not because I am going to solve it for them, but because most of the time their answer reveals what drives them, what makes them happy. And when spoken out loud, it has a resounding effect.
If we all did just a little of that, maybe we would all be a lot closer and more connected.
The Re-Birth Certificate